英语幽默

1.Doctor: Please open your mouth, madam.

  Lady: Thank you very much, doctor.

  Doctor: Why do you thank me?

  Lady: Because my husband always asked me to shut up.

2.  A teacher asked asked one of his students:" What is the longest and what is the shortest?" The student answered immediately:" The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest."

3. The teacher asked Tom: "Why did you come to school so late this morning?" "Someone lost one yuan." Answered Tom. "Oh, now I know, you helped him find the money," the teacher said. "No, I stood on the money until the person went away," was Tom's reply.

4.Teacher:David,why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning?

  David: What was it ?

  Teacher: Eggs.

  David: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.

5.Teacher:Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?

  Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.

6.Tom: How's your little brother, Johnny?

  Johnny: He's ill in bed. He hurt himself.

  Tom: That's too bad. How did it happen?

  Johnny: We betted who could lean further out of the window, and he won.

7.A man traveling at 130 miles per hour on the road was stopped by traffic police.

   " Sorry, officer." said the driver, " Was I driving too fast?"

   " No, sir. You were flying too slow."

8.Girl: Remember that vase you always worried I would break?

  Mom: Of course. What about it?

  Girl: Your worries are over.