Weak: The trees are bare. The grass is brown. The landscape seems drab.
Revision:The brown grass and bare trees form a drab landscape. (转换为前置定语)
Or: The landscape, bare and brown, begged for spring green. (转换为并列结构作后置定语)
1) Weak: The team members are good players.
Revision: The team members play well.
2) Weak: One worker’s plan is the elimination of tardiness.
Revision: One worker’s plan eliminates tardiness.
1) Weak: There is no opportunity for promotion.
Revision: No opportunity for promotion exists.
2) Weak: Here are the books you ordered.
Revision: The books you ordered have arrived.
1、Poor: My supervisor went past my desk.
Better: My supervisor sauntered (=walked slowly) past my desk.
2、Poor: She is a careful shopper.
Better: She compares prices and quality.
1、Weak: The organization has been supported by charity.
Better: Charity has supported the organization.
2、Weak: The biscuits were stacked on a plate.
Better: Mother stacked the biscuits on a plate.
1、Wordy: My little sister has a preference for chocolate milk.
Improved: My little sister prefers chocolate milk.
2、Wordy: We are in receipt of your letter and intend to follow your recommendations.
Improved: We have received your letter and intended to follow your recommendation.
3、Redundant: We had a serious crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire.
Improved: We had a crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire.
4、Redundant: My sister and I bought the same, identical dress in different stores.
Improved: My sister and I bought the same dress in different stores.
1、Weak: They will not agree to his proposals in any shape or form.
Improved: They will not agree to any of his proposals.
2、Weak: I need her financial input before I can guesstimate our expenditures next fall.
Improved: I need her financial figures before I can estimate our expenditures next fall.